Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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