Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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