Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon