Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills