Four minutes until I can fart!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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