I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
