It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
