OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
