I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
