Can Purell be used as lube?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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