Your face is a jimmy john
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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