what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
