This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just pee around me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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