Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
