eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
