haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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