I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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