I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
