Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
