GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
