Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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