just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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