people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
