So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize