just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish you could order shots online.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
