I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
