Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
