my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
