Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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