There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
