do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just gargled with NyQuil
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
