i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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