We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
