did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
