Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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