first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
