that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
