I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
