We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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