Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
