i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
