i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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