I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
