I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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