i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
