I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
