I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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