She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
