What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
