i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
