no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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