Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
