I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
