He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
