why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
