Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
