The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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