nut hugger
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
