A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
