he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
