there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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