I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
