K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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