Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
