everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
