remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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