I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
