I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
