I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How external is "for external use only"?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
