turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
