remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is the high leading the old right now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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