I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
